SCIENCE FANTASTIC

Film Reviews, Words

(Spoilers after the jump, people! Read at your own risk!)

OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY, IT’S SUMMER MOVIE TIME!!!!!!!!!!

You know what I love about summer movie season? The popcorn, the loud noises, and how everything all lines up and then BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

MOVIE MARATHON

Film Reviews, Words

After months of taking a break from spending my time (and moola) on movies, last week I had a binge and caught 10 flicks. Wowza.

Anyhoozle, I’m not going to go into long diatribes about all of them, but here’s a quick summary of what I liked and didn’t… and what you should see for yourself.

YOU SUNK MY AFTERNOON, BATTLESHIP

Film Reviews, Words

On the way back from dropping some friends off at the airport, I decided to go see a movie. The time I arrived gave me two options: What to Expect When You Are Expecting and Battleship. I know, really great options that speak immensly to my aesthetic. /sarcasm. Anyhow, since it’s summer I figured, let’s go with the extended commercial for Hasbro and the Navy cause big booms are fun. Bonus: TIM RIGGINS!

This post failed right after I’d written snarky delightfulness… I don’t wanna write it again so here’s the short of it:

  • Veterans only matter if they are oldz or disabled. (Hate the war, not the people, etc.)
  • Mrs. Andy Roddick: not bad. Surprisingly comfortable on camera for a model/actress.
  • Landry! Yayz!
  • Why are the aliens here??!? Is this just some sort of “Support your military, not NASA/science” GOP extended commercial?
  • I didn’t know Popeye was in this movie!?! Woot!
  • Seriously? Alien missiles shaped like the game pegs? ::eye roll::
  • Save your monies and go see The Avengers again. For really realz.

UNDERWORLD AS MISCEGENTATION ALLEGORY

Film Reviews, Words

A few nights ago The Boy and I were bored and wanting to watch something stupid in bed that it would be okay if we fell asleep during. So, we pulled out our copy of Underworld, the Crow/Matrix-copying vampire versus werewolf flick that is much more badass that Bella mooning over Edward. I mean, not that it’s a good movie. Kate Beckinsale looks hot and badass in that suit that prolly gave her a yeast infection for a year and it has Michael Sheen in it! Plus, Bill Nighy? Always a win. Sure Ben from Felicity is cast as doctor (once again) and I’m like, dude can barely speak full sentences, no way he’d do well in a medical school interview, but overall, nice cast.

GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

Film Reviews, Words

(Spoilers!)

Last night, The Boy and I finally got around to watching David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had waited to see it because I kept wanting to read the book. I have this thing about reading books before seeing movie adaptations… However, I’ve tried three times to get through Stieg Larsson’s runaway hit and I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s the translation making some of the phrasing a bit odd for me or the fact that Mikael just isn’t that interesting a character and he’s in the first part of the book.

After seeing the movie, I definitely think the latter is true. If it weren’t for the natural charisma of Daniel Craig, I would really give a flying fuck about Mikael and his journalistic issues. There’s a reason that Lisbeth Salander is the titular girl with the dragon tattoo. She is an amazing character, played brilliantly by the Oscar-nominated newcomer Rooney Mara. Lisbeth has had a hard life, filled with violence and mental illness and, some have argued, autism. She has been touted as a feminist hero, though that can also be argued, especially since she takes revenge upon her rapist by raping him. I have to say, those scenes were really hard to watch. Raping your rapist makes you a rapist. That’s not okay, in any moral world. It just keeps the rape happening. Though, the outward marking of him as a perpetrator of violence against women was an interesting revenge fantasy played out, since so many rapists walk free and you can’t tell by “looking” at someone. Also, the massive amount of violence against women, detailed and shown in photographs and flashbacks, seemed to want to be a part of some anti-misogynist statement, yet is very much based on a misogynist form of storytelling.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Film Reviews, Words

Well friends, I am a really nice person. Like, the best person ever. Why, you ask? Because I read Fifty Shades of Grey, so you don’t have to. I mean, unless you wanna read really poorly written smut based on Twilight. Then, by all means, this is the book for you.
I’m not really sure where to begin. I guess with a little about the book. Written by some British lady named E.L. James, apparently the story began as Twilight fan fiction and then, with some name changes, an underground ebook hit. Oh and part of this new fad called “Mommy Porn,” and appeals, I guess, to all the Twi-hard mothers out there who got kicks out of Stephanie Meyer’s chastity-based series. The ‘Bella’ of Fifty Shades is a literature student named Anastasia who has is a virgin and has no idea that any boys have every liked her. Just like Bella in Twilight who cannot fathom why she’s worth existing or talking to until Edward likes her. Actually, until she becomes a vampire and awesomely sparkly. Christian (Edward), is a wealthy billionaire who is young and sexy and into BDSM. And so begins a true love story of our time, when klutzy brunette interviews sexypants Christian, make his dingle dangle point towards her like due north. By “true love story” I obviously mean kinda graphic sex scenes punctuated by really stupid plots about drug addict mothers, feelings, and vengeful bosses.